The perfect storm....
First a disclaimer. I want to share my thoughts more, but it takes me too long because I want to make sure whatever I write is "perfect." This will have grammar errors and will be long. I'm considering the idea of starting a podcast or a blog, where I can just say whatever is on my mind. Then if others want to listen or read they can.
Anyhow... the story of the perfect storm. This morning I was awake, yet again at 5 am, with my brain full of anxiety and excitement. Combined, these two elements created the perfect and everlasting storm to keep me awake. I felt overwhelmed. I didn't know what to try to calm my overactive brain down. Sometimes I paint and make art when overwhelmed, but I didn't feel like that was an option. I grabbed my journal and began writing in the dark while laying in bed. (something I do sometimes when I have a tough time sleeping). But writing just filled my mind more. It's hard.
Then I remembered emotional weather. An idea I use with my kids to describe their emotions using weather. What is my weather? I remembered a storm I experienced a few weeks ago with my kids while running an errand to home depot. It got very dark in the middle of the afternoon, big dark clouds, looked like smoke from a fire, but it wasn't. We saw a flash of light. And then we went into the store. Inside we heard hail and rain on the roof. We watched some of the metal roofing in the garden center rip and blow up dangerously threatening to fall on the customers below. The possibility was really scary. But after about 10 minutes the weather passed. And we were able to walk out to our car and drive home safely. As I recalled this experience, I felt peace and my internal weather calmed down. It was amazing.
(This is a painting of a lightning storm I created about 20 years ago when I was a high school student. ) Then, like usual, my 8 year old was also awake early, so we began talking about emotional weather and storms. He told me about a place that has lightning every night. It's in Venezuela at Maracaibo Lake. Nearly every night at the same time there is intense lightning storms. Over 1.2 million bolts of lightening every year. He is a short film by photographer Jonas Pointek about it. Fascinating, beautiful, yet scary. Apparently the typography, mountains, lake, and warm weather are a perfect combination for this never-ending, everlasting storm, aka the perfect storm. I feel like I am wired for the perfect storm every night when I try to sleep. My overactive brain, fears, anxieties, and also ideas and excitement create the perfect conditions to not sleep, but be wide awake. I wonder, Is there a dangerous beauty in that, like there is in this perfect storm? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seWRO9Gf8mE
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